ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

A serial memoir by Jean Fogelberg

INTRODUCTION

"I didn’t wake up and decide to write a book one day, you know. Fate beat me over the head with stories until I submitted. Here’s what happened..."

All the Time in the World

The Making of a Serial Memoir

In the winter of 2003, Dan was 52 years old and planning for a future where he would tour less and have fewer responsibilities. He wanted to live in Santa Fe and get back to painting. He wanted to spend more time in Maine, sailing and getting into digital photography. For all of that to happen, he would have to sell his 600-acre ranch in Pagosa Springs, Colorado. Running the ranch took a lot of time and money, and to pay the bills, Dan toured for months every year. It was time to downsize. Read more...

CHAPTERS

Prologue ~ Wild Night

Eggemoggin Reach emerges from the dark as the first nor’easter of the season races across the Atlantic and slams into the Maine coast. Churning and frigid, the dull green sea climbs toward the dock in big frothing steps, leaving strands of black seaweed draped over the steps as it recedes. Gusts of fine snow crystals smooth the surface of the yard, filling in fresh deer tracks and covering the branches that break and fall from the bare, battered oaks. Read more...

Thank God for Ravioli

In September of 1996, I had been performing at a small Italian cafe in Santa Fe, New Mexico, for almost a year. Singing and playing guitar three nights a week, I had my own group of regulars and was in charge of auditioning and hiring musicians to fill the rest of the weeknights.​ Read more...

Rebirth

Larry Fogelberg loved Santa Fe. He would drive his wife Margaret and their three sons all the way from Peoria, Illinois during summer vacations to stay at the historic La Fonda Hotel. Dan had fond memories of those trips, and one night in particular stood out above the others.​ Read more...

Driving Through the American Night

The night of the Halloween party arrived and I was ready to go with time to spare. I hated first dates, so I was tense. As I paced my small apartment waiting for Dan, I began to question the appropriateness of my costume.​ Read more...

I'm Famous, You Know

I was working two jobs, I had just moved, and I was starting a new relationship. It was all good stuff, but it was a perfect storm of stress that converged right in the middle of cold and flu season. The Sunday after our Halloween date, I woke up with a tender red lump on my lower lip that grew into a huge, painful cold sore on Monday. Good Gussie, not now! Read more...

A Home in the Mountains

Dan invited me to his ranch for Thanksgiving. He was going to have a few friends over and he wanted them to meet me. I got off work early that Wednesday and we headed to Pagosa Springs for the long weekend in the huge white truck Dan and his ranch manager had dubbed “The Antichrist,” for its constant, costly breakdowns. It was loud and smelly and, worst of all, something about the way the seat and the hood were configured made me extra carsick.​ Read more...

Mountain Birds

I woke before Dan and walked down the carpeted hall to the guest room to get dressed. Tiptoeing barefoot down to the kitchen, I saw Buckaroo waiting at the bottom of the oak stairs. He watched as I made toast and tea as quietly as possible. There was acorn squash on the counter next to the toaster for Thanksgiving dinner. An hour or so later I heard Dan coming down the hall and my heart leapt, as it would at the sound of his approach for the next eleven years.​ Read more...

Buckaroo Boone

The enticing smell of roasting turkey filled the house. I set the table with silver, china, crystal water glasses, and the delicate Riedel wine glasses. Dan had everything under control in the kitchen but now and then he’d ask for my help; usually just to hold a bowl or scrape a pot. Buckaroo sat at his spot on the edge of the counter by the turret, watching us. Read more...

The Necklace

I grew to love those three-hour treks from the desert to the mountains. It gave me time to decompress from work before getting to the ranch, and time to reflect on the lovely weekend before getting back to Santa Fe. In two years of making that drive every week, neither of us had an accident. Considering how dramatically the road conditions changed from season to season, we were lucky.   Read more...

Arrivederci Romana

Business was booming at Cafe Romana but, behind the scenes, a series of bad decisions were about to affect the lives of everyone connected to her. Early in 1996, Marco, the cafe owner, decided to open a second restaurant. At the same time, Dan was in Colorado, unaware that his marriage was heading for the rocks.​ Read more...

Sliding on Ice

As I drove to Colorado for my first Christmas at the ranch, the scenery was picture postcard gorgeous. We were really looking forward to spending an uninterrupted two weeks together. More than any other time of the year, Dan loved Christmas. When I got there, he had decorated the house with garlands, Victorian Santas, angels, and stockings on the mantle.​ Read more...

Glory Hallelujah

Among our many differences was Dan’s ability to ignore criticism and unsolicited feedback. If he asked for your opinion he would listen carefully and consider your advice; otherwise, you were just white noise to be turned down.​ Read more...

Auditions

After Cafe Romana closed I started looking around for a new gig. My first thought was the Eldorado lounge, where Dan and I had gone so often after packing up my gear at the cafe. Read more...

Baggage

They say, “With age comes wisdom.” Unfortunately, with age comes emotional baggage as well, and baggage outweighs wisdom even on the best of days. When I met Dan in 1996, he had a matched set of mental luggage bursting with trust issues. His first betrayal happened in high school, at the hands of his band, The Clan. Read more...

Traveling & Unraveling

In the summer of 1997 we were eight months into our relationship. I had just moved from my noisy studio apartment on the outskirts of Santa Fe to a sweet little casita a few blocks from the city plaza. Dan was out on the road with his Anniversary Tour, celebrating 25 years since his first album, Home Free, and the recent release of the retrospective box set, Portrait.​ Read more...

Finding Captain Nemo

Adam was being phased out of Bonanza when the 1954 Walt Disney film, 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea, was re-released in 1963. I was eight years old when we went to see it at the drive-in theater and, from the long back seat of our Dodge Dart, I fell hard for Captain Nemo. As played by James Mason, he was dark and handsome like Adam Cartwright, but he was also a brooding, tormented genius. With a beard. He was perfect.​ Read more...

Shangri-La

We made the drive back and forth from Santa Fe to Pagosa Springs for two years. Then, one lazy Summer weekend, we were lying side by side on the chaise lounges on the back patio at the ranch. I was almost dozing when Dan turned his face toward me and, rather tentatively, asked what I would think about moving in with him.​ Read more...

A Beautiful Life

Dan was standing at the stove, stirring a pot of chili with a long wooden spoon, and I was setting the table for dinner. A quiet piano concerto was playing through the speakers in the kitchen and dining room. Outside, an icy wind shook the trees and made the distant lights in the Blanco Basin look like twinkling stars. Read more...

Countless Ways

I was bursting with “I love you’s,” but managed to release them sparingly. I didn’t want Dan to feel he had to respond each time with “I love you too.” Every day, in countless ways, he showed me that he was falling more in love with me. However, as Pee-wee Herman said, “Everyone I know has a big BUT.” Read more...

The Coffee House Days

Dan’s first solo show was a fleeting, but auspicious, moment in his career. In March of 1969, students at the Illinois State University in Normal, Illinois started a coffee house in the Campus Religion Center on Mulberry Street. Dubbed the Inner Ear, it was touted as a place where students could gather for poetry readings, music, and discussions about current events. Read more...

The Trip

In the Fall of 1969, Dan entered the University of Illinois as a wide-eyed mid-western boy, hungry for new experiences. A year later, he was establishing himself as an accomplished solo performer and hanging out with a small group of artistic freaks and hippies. Read more...

Tangled Webs

By the Spring of 1999, our domestic rituals were fairly well-established. Each morning, over breakfast, or during a walkabout, Dan and I would review what needed to be done that day around the house, gardens, and ranch. Then I’d carry my mug of tea out to the art studio and Dan would take his coffee to his office. Read more...

The Road!

The Summer Tour 1999 was going to run from July 16th - August 4th; a relatively short tour for Dan. When he asked if I wanted to come along for part, or all, of it, I didn’t hesitate to say yes to all of it. Now that we were living together, I couldn’t imagine being apart from Dan for three weeks. Read more...

The Kentucky Derby

We had one stop to make before flying off on our European vacation: the 127th running of the Kentucky Derby on May 5th, 2001. It had been 20 years since Dan performed the song he’d written for the Derby, “Run for the Roses,” on the ABC special, Friday Night Live from the Kentucky Derby. Now he’d been invited to return to Churchill Downs, and there was no way we were going to miss it. Read more...

Paris

Dan planned every part of our European vacation, from our first day in France, on May 7th, to our last night in Italy, four weeks later. All winter long, he had excitedly shown me articles about the places we would visit and the things we would see. One day I looked up from a photo, into his shining eyes, and a little idea popped into my head, unbidden. I tried to shoo it away, but it persisted.   He’s going to propose in Europe.  Read more...

Venice

Only one hotel on Dan’s wish list had been unavailable, and it was the one he wanted the most. For our last days in Italy, he wanted to stay at the Santa Caterina Hotel, in Amalfi. Their summer season was booked solid, but Dan had his heart set on that town, and that hotel, so his travel agent promised to keep checking for cancellations.  Read more...

Florence

In July of 1973, Dan was a 21-year-old artist and musician exploring Florence. Making his way slowly through the Museo Palazzo Vecchio with his drawing pad, he stopped in front of paintings and sculptures to make sketches, just as artists throughout the centuries had done before him. The museum closed for an hour in the afternoon, but when a guard came to clear the section Dan was in, he took pity on the engrossed young man and quietly told him he could stay. For a whole hour, Dan had the palazzo to himself. For an art lover and Italian history buff, it was too good to be true.   Read more...

Chianti

Since arriving in Europe, we had traveled by plane, train, taxi, launch and gondola. For the remainder of our time in Italy, we would drive, so we could explore at will. The spine of Dan’s Fodor’s guide was creased and cracked from a winter of reading. It fell open on dogeared pages marking medieval hill towns, ancient abbeys, and the best ristorantes, trattorias, and osterias in the Chianti region of Tuscany.   Read more...

Amalfi

After loading our suitcases into the car and doing a final walk-through of the villa, we stood on the patio one last time to breathe in the panoramic view of Chianti. Our time there had been magical, and we agreed to return one day; maybe even rent a little place for a year after Dan retired, and really get to know Italy. That plan made it easier to say goodbye. Two of the kitties came for a last head rub and we headed south, to the coastal town of Amalfi.   Read more...

Hello, Goodbye

The Summer 2001 solo tour was a relatively short one: fourteen venues in the month of July. Houston, Texas was our first stop; the last would be Napa, California. Our European vacation had been good for Dan. He was in rare form; enjoying performing and greeting the audiences like long-lost friends. Between songs he was positively chatty.   Read more...

I Will

Winter lingers well into March in the Southwest, and the 2002 Summer Tour would begin in May, so we began planning an April wedding.   Read more...

The Luckiest Girl in the World

We slept fitfully and woke in the morning like two vampires, cursing the blades of sun trying to cut their way through the wood blinds. On any other day, Dan would have burrowed beneath his pillow and gone back to sleep, but now he put his arm around my stomach and drew me to him from across the big brass bed. We snuggled together like quotations marks, waiting for a sentence.   Read more...

The Boys in the Band

We returned from our honeymoon and, a few weeks later, the band arrived at the ranch to rehearse for the 2002 Summer Tour. This would be a six-week tour, and we’d be traveling by bus this time, instead of flying. If I’d been happy about going on the road, I was ecstatic about the idea of traveling by bus.   Read more...

The Afterwife

When we returned home from the Summer 2002 Tour, we hit the ground running. Dan was putting the finishing touches on the songs for Full Circle, the studio album he considered a return to his stylistic roots. He was frequently on the phone with Nina at HK Management, discussing mixing, mastering, promotional interviews and distribution of Full Circle, as well as the 2003 Summer Tour and the events to follow.   Read more...

Full Circles

Dan played every instrument on Full Circle: electric guitar, acoustic guitar, bass, mandolin, piano, electric keyboards and percussion. He recorded each instrument onto its own track so they could all be “mixed” later. As with any fine dish, too much or too little of any ingredient can make a big difference.   Read more...

Havens

For months, modified plans for the new home in Maine had been flying back and forth between Colorado and Maine via FedEx. Like the old captain’s house, this would be a haven we could retreat to between tours in the summer or fall. Because it would be insulated and have heating, though, we could stay into the winter if we wanted to and not freeze our butts off.  Read more...

Swimming With Lauren Bacall

We returned to the ranch the night of the Mancos, Colorado concert. It was early July of 2003, and the basin was in that lush green phase between the delicate, pale buds of Spring and the wilting leaves of Fall. Read more...

Home Away Home

In November of 2003 we returned to the ranch to catch up and catch our breath. It had been a very busy year. Read more...

The Ledge

Dan planned to retire from the music business when he turned fifty-five. On May 03, 2004, at the age of fifty three, he sent an email to Irwin Rennert, his long-time business adviser. He explained that, after long and careful consideration, he’d decided to put his 600-acre ranch on the market.  Read more...

Punching the Ghost

We knew the time had come to tell our parents what was happening. Dan sat at his roll-top desk and, after dialing his mother’s home in Peoria, he swiveled the chair so he could look out the window at the trees.  Read more...

The Promise

On June 14, 2004, we woke in our room at The Ritz Hotel in Boston, nervous but hopeful. We were anxious to get started on treatment and glad to be meeting with an eminent surgeon who would be able to tell us how to proceed. Read more...

Vagabonds

In late June we arrived in Maine, knowing we’d be driving back down to Boston on July 6th so Dan could get his first shot of Lupron. Construction on the new house had come a long way, but the completion date kept getting moved back.  Read more...

The Spam Hits the Fan

On the afternoon of August 17th, I sat at a little desk in a vacation rental on Deer Isle. As I dialed our doctor’s office in Boston to get the lab results of Dan’s last blood test, I looked through a big picture window at pine trees and the placid cove beyond. My heart was pounding like crazy and my whole body felt like one long, stretched nerve. The news would either slingshot my spirit into the sky or rip me apart.  Read more...

Love & Gratitude

We began 2005 as we’d begun every new year together: with a midnight kiss and  smiles of love and gratitude. This was our first New Year’s Eve in Maine, and we were celebrating at a party in Brooksville, a town of five villages and approximately 900 people. Our artist friends, Gail and Rob, held the party at their home every year, inviting a small and eclectic group of sailors, artists, musicians, writers, entrepreneurs and filmmakers.  Read more...

The Sermon

August 13, 2005
A personal letter from D.F.

First, let me send everyone some very good news. In our first 14 months of treatment, we have succeeded in slowing the progression of my prostate cancer down to an almost negligible level. Jean and I are thrilled and incredibly relieved and finally feel like we can at last take a breath.   Read more...

A Home by the Sea

For many years, Dan had planned to retire at age 50. A few unforeseen and expensive events along the way had forced him to change the target age to 55. Then, three months before his 53rd birthday, the cancer diagnosis came from behind and shoved him into retirement.   Read more...

Fine Lines

A year and a half into our journey with cancer, I was learning to walk that fine line between supportive caregiver and smothering guardian. Sometimes Dan would take off for two or three days to sail on his own. We both needed these interludes of solitude now and then, and each time I gave his dinghy a last push toward Minstrel I had to force myself to say, “Have fun,” instead of, “Be careful.”  Read more...

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